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How do you cope after realizing that you are almost a murderer? How do you get up again after you all but killed someone, how do you look into the eyes of the people you love? After you in cold-blooded purpose almost tore the head off of somebody who isn't even your enemy, but someone on your side who just happened to get into your way? How do you live with yourself after you realize that you are a monster?

Lying on his back and staring up at the roof Ciomny could find no answer to these questions. He existed yes, but as the memories of the encounter repeated themselves all over in his head, with the feeling of death creeping up on him, the mist of madness drowning his head, the scream of that poor girl as he sunk his teeth into her shoulder, the feeling of bones crushing beneeth his jaws like crackers... He could feel nothing but disgust over himself, fear of what he might do the next time, and then what?

He could never be a soldier, he knew that. He even hated hurting people as he healed them, and the idea of going into battle was just terrifying. He had no idea how real fighters did this, how they kept on going, knowing what they had done to not just one person, but hundreds of creatures. How did you justify your own actions? How did you give yourself the right to kill anything, so you could once again hold your head high when you returned home? How could you say that your goals was worth their sacrifice?

The roof still gave no answer.

He would never call himself more important than anyone, never say that his life had more value than others. Sure there was people he loved and would rather have living than compleate strangers, but that didn't give him the right to go through with it. Because everyone mattered to someone...

At least he knew who mattered most to himself. And the thought of her was comforting.
Sitting up he realized he had most likely not told her, at least not recently. And now was probably not the best time to do so, but when then? When he was home and could pretend this had never happened? When everything went back to being easy?

Searching around the room until he found the paper and pencil he needed he didn't even pause to think over what he should write;

Dearest Janneli

I am so sorry for the ways we parted, you know I never meant to hurt you. Nor diappoint you, or ever let you feel lonely, or make you beleive that you mattered less than anyone.
I doubt you would believe me if I told you what this place has done to me, what I am turning into, but at least I know this much now;
It might be my goal and hopes that keeps me moving foreward, but it is the thought of you waiting at home for me that even keeps me sane.
You can't move foreward if you don't have something to stand on, something to push your feet against to gain momentum, and I can honestly say that without you I'd live in a vaccume.

You asked me if I could change? I would, if you still love me for who I am when I do. To be honest, I don't know what I would tell you if you asked me who I am now. I barely know what.

I don't think you would ask me to leave anyone to die as I just walk away, please don't ever do that, but if you want me to return I will. I could never intentionally do anything that would cause you harm, but I know I might have by mistake. I just beg that you one day might be able to forgive me.
Once I see you again I will let you decide what the future should be, for I do not trust myself with that anymore. If you do not let me be part of it, would you then at least let me keep you in mind to make myself survive this place?

Yours forever

Now he had to just find some way to get this letter out of the Tower of Madness and on its way to where it was meant to...
letters from the madhouse
Some time after his first fight in Erins Tower and the Discord Tornament, Ciomny is still trying to come to terms with what he has done, and what that makes him. But while at it he still has a more pressing matter to attend to; a letter to write.
My own characters
22 deviations
When a friend had told him about a freakshow he hadn't believed it. Weren't those things illegal by now? And  yet here he was, in what clearly was a circus-area, filled to the brim with people. He'd long since lost his friends in the crowd, but couldn't be bothered with looking for them any more. Right now he was having quite a good time, walking around and watching the circus-people entertain the visitors before the show started. Though some stuff was really the same old as everywhere; firebreathers, balance-acts, and of course the old jugglers was in place. What was so freakshow-ish about that?

Though they had made an effort with the Halloween-decorations; the whole place was illuminated only by grinning pumpkins and creepy lanterns, and the whole place just gave you an eerie feeling that something was just not right with it. Right now he could almost believe that the pointy animal-ears of some preformer was real, or that that guy really had produced flames from his bare hands...

Walking past a couple of twins in matching circus-outfits his eyes caught the site of a small crowd laughing at something, and of course he grew curious. But from what he could see over some old man's shoulder it was nothing but a tattooed guy giving some purple-eyed kid a piggy-back-ride. Or, wait...what? Did... did that kid really have a tail?! Looked like it...

Then he got a better look than expected when the 'kid' suddenly stopped his giggling and jumped down, dashing through the crowd surrounding them, ignoring the guy calling for him

“Hey Ro, wait! You're not supposed to...!” But it was pointless. The creature ('cause it sure wasn't a 'kid') was already gone. And there was no doubt about it; that tail had been real! Nothing fake would move like that! And the thing had been running off on all four, like some kind of animal.

He knew it was a bit stupid, but he just had to see what was going on. If that thing had really been real, then this place was more of a freakshow than he'd ever been lead to believe. But right now he was even starting to doubt his own senses. So he followed it... Past a stand with candy-apples and off towards some trees growing at the edge of a small forest. The lights of the lanterns didn't reach this far so it was a bit hard to see, but his eyes soon adjusted. But where was the freak?

Then suddenly something fell down from the tree, and barely missed him. Staring down at the thing at his feet it took him a couple of seconds to make out what it was in the darkness, and once he did he took a step back from it. A bat wing... Looking up to see where it came from he was startled when he was faced with a pair of quite unfriendly eyes glaring at him from one of the treebranches above. Sitting up there, with the tail behind it twitching slightly, the creature had its eyes fixed on him. He coudn't help but to stare at it. Honestly, what was this? Some kind of mutation? And, yuck, what was with its feet? Like this was the sickest kind of monkey he'd ever seen!

Then the creature opened its mouth and hissed at him, making him take a few startled steps backwards. Those teeth was just something from a monster! Sharp, twisted, and stained with something he didn't even want to think about... He had no problem at all imagening how they would easily sink through his skin, rip his belly open, tear off pieces of his face, and then just grin at him. Just like it was right now...

With a powerful leap the freak was suddenly behind him, perched upsidedown on the treetrunk, tail whipping as if it was a cat ready to play. And he was the prey... He barely got out of the way when the thing jumped again, this time landing on the ground, and right away started to circle him. Baring its teeth in a snarl it growled quietly at him, and all he could wonder was how common this was. People did get lost in the forests, right? Was this what happened? Would anyone notice it in the noise from the circus?

Suddenly there was a voice hurrying towards them;

“Roo, you silly foo, what are you doing out here? The show is about to start, we have to be in our places!” A girl wearing what clearly was a preformance-costume, with a pattern that glittered in the faint light of the pumpkins, was suddenly at the creatures side. With a small giggle she patted its head, and only smiled when he raised his arms at her with a “Kah!”

“Oh sure, why not. Come along now cutie, we don't want the Ringmaster to lose his patience with us~” Picking up the creature she smiled at him before carrying it away in her arms, as if holding a baby brother. And with its arms around her neck the creature looked back at him, its odd eyes glimmering slighty. For a moment it almost seemed surreal now when the girl was cooing at it, how that thing could have... But then it pulled back its lips in an inhuman grin, revealing the sharp teeth still stained with dark red spots. And he had to wonder if the girl carrying it even knew...
A monster's teeth...
Had to do something for Halloween ^^

(in case it was no obviour, it's all written from the pov of a nameless npc from the city)
To call it nostalgic to be back would be an understatement. And bittersweet at best.

‘Mostly bitter though…’ Claudia concluded as she studied the shop-window in front of her. The years that had passed had surely made her grow, but her mind seemed to have slipped backwards. Her eyes were as cold as ever, and it was as if nobody had ever even started to melt the walls around her heart.

To be sent off to Beauxbaton for the last two years of her studies, and be completely cut off from her previous life at Hogwarts, seemed to have had the effect that her family had wished for. Nicodemus had been right when he said that there is no better prison than your own mind; she was trapped. Now not only by the rules, that she couldn’t even see the lines of anymore (as if there was nothing but them in the world), but now also by responsibility and law.

How many years had it been since she’d set foot here? Five? The two years in school, and then all the time in France with the new family… And what a family to boot! By now she might legally go by a different name, but she would never stop being Claudia Ripper, that’s for sure. Not when the alternative was that…!

Claudia closed her eyes and tried to block out all the noise from the street behind her. Diagon Alley was as bustling with life as ever. She could barely hold back a smile at how many times she’d imagined this so many years ago. She would come here, for whatever reason, and he’d be here. He’d of course still be taller than her, and even if she knew that logically his voice and appearance must have changed slightly by the years she couldn’t help but to picture him just the same. He would call out her name, she would easily spot him in the sea of people, she always did, and he wouldn’t even hesitate before holding her like before… No questions, no excuses, no truths… Because in that dream of hers she knew him, knew that she actually was special and that he never moved on, even if it had only been a silly school-crush. He would be who she had seen him as back then…

But reality was different. It was sitting on front of her on the bench, two pair of eyes watching her curiously as she forced back the tears before they managed to slip through, so she could open hers and meet theirs. One pair remained curious as she took a shaky breath, while the second smiled at her, and the owner of them raised his tiny arms to her with a “Mofthe!”

How there could be two living creatures in this world who could make her smile like this was a mystery to her. But just like he could have asked anything of her back then, so could this boy now.

Lifting her son up from her husband’s lap she sighed happily at his giggling and at how she right away had to untangle his tiny hand from her hair. And while the man packed up everything he’d pulled out of his bag to entertain the child with she gently pressed her forehead against the boy’s and gave him a serious look.

“James, promise me you’ll be more selfish than your stupid mother. That you will ask me for everything you want so I can help you get it, no matter what it is. Because you have to be happy. Just promise me you’ll try to be happy…”

Her voice ended in a broken whisper as she held him close again and tried to calm herself, all while feeling how he got a hold of one of her curls again. Maybe nobody would know who she was when she wore her hair down like this and not in pigtails anymore…

But thanks to the child she could at least let go. She couldn’t live for the past and dreams. It would lead to nothing, and all she would be was bitter for it. She had finally found a new centre for her life, her own little universe. But this time it wasn’t she who was being held tenderly, it wasn’t she who got to hear the sweet words she barely dared to believe. This time she was the one to protect, to hold a life in her arms. Now she was the wall. Now she made the promises, and this time she would make sure all of them were kept.

Claudia didn’t even notice the people in the crowd who seemed to recognize them, never saw the man with Asian features who had even stopped to stare at her as if he right away knew who she was. If she heard his voice when he called her name she wrote it off as a part of a lost dream. She didn’t see his face when she smiled at her son, nor did she notice how James gave the man a toothless grin (with half of his tiny hand in his mouth) over her shoulder when she left with the boy’s father in tow.
It would take years before she heard from him again…
The beginning of another generation
Slayer-1412 got the grand idea of continuing the old Hsrpg with the next generation at the school. This was my first character in the drama; James Jones, son of Claudia Ripper. How it came to be that he exists at all... well that's quite a story, and I won't write it here (I'm getting too sleepy)
See those of you who are up for it around ^^/


Who am I? Should I know? maybe...

I'm boring.
I enjoy reading, painting and to roleply more than I like shopping (if it's not books/manga), partying, drinking, meet new people...
All in all; I'm not normal; not for a nerd, not for a geek, nor for an emo; I don't fit in any category...

I am Leo, a Snake of the Earth, a salmon, and my tarot-card is Jugement. I am the Sprit of the Primal Fire. My sin is Envy

I exist, and that probably won't change... not too soon at least...
So I'll listen to my music, I'll paint, and I'll live on, at least for now...

Let that be it, and please don't judge me only on this. I'm still human, and to be honset I'm too everchanging and complicated to fit in words...
I don't really know who I am, or what, and I doubt I want to find out...

(apparently I'm a pony)
My Little Pony Personality Test!
My Little Pony Personality Test!
Hosted By Anime
  • Listening to: Nageki no more- music box
  • Reading: stuff I shouldn't
Hush little baby, don't you cry.
Life's a bitch, and then you die.

Man, I love these kind of poems and odd quotes!! ^^
Let's see, what more do we have...

What Man doesn't understand Man fears.
What Man fears, Man destroys.

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Knowledge is power.
Power corrupts.
Study hard,
Be evil

Mirror mirror, you see
who's reflecting me?

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four people is suffering from a mental illness. Look at your 3 best friends. If they're ok, then it's you.

"I love you" is eight letters...
So is "Bullshit"

We kill people who kill people to show killing people is wrong?

Your face is white, your blood is red;
don't look in the closet—he's under your bed!

there ^^ my fun of the day.
Ne, any of you who read this who has something to add to my quote-collection?

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Slayer-1412 Featured By Owner Sep 19, 2014  Student General Artist
*FINALLY replies to the forum posts* I'm sorry for taking so long OTL;
Ametyr Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2014
well... suppose I can forgive you for it, this once.
Slayer-1412 Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2014  Student General Artist
nyeh \D ~
Sanyo2100 Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
You have amazing eyes X)
Ametyr Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2014
^^' thanks
Sanyo2100 Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Just saying the truth X)
rockgothicgirl Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2014  Hobbyist Interface Designer
happy b-day ^-^ have a nice day ^-^ :party: 
Ametyr Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2014
thank you ^^
rockgothicgirl Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2014  Hobbyist Interface Designer
np ^-^ 
RogueLively Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist

Thank you so much for adding me to your watch !!! :hug:

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